I had great expectations for Lent. Among those thoughts were lots of free time leisurely reading and large expanses of time in which to get lost in the goodness of God. Alas, it has not exactly gone that way. I struggle to maintain my Lenten discipline and those free moments have been few and far between.
But, as a result, my view of holiness has changed. As I was pondering a sermon on freedom today, one of the strains of thought emphasized how we can become bound by too much freedom. In truth, I have always been that way. In the absence of expectations, I become restless and selfish; I lose my focus and zeal and wallow in anxiety. However, given too much on my plate, my joy is eroded and I feel tapped out. So, my lenten journey has inevitably arrived at the question of balance.
As with all good things in life, there has to be some balance and boundaries. And, I find that holiness is found there in that delicate balance. Whereas I once envisioned holiness to be found in seclusion and separation, I now find it when two or three are gathered in His name. My desire for God now grows both in fellowship and in quiet time. My awareness of God's presence is heightened in my son's laughter and my observance of animals at play. I pray to mature in mysticism and spiritual maturity: to know peace in all things, to share joy with all, and to endure suffering in hope. I pray to find my foundation in the simplest of things, deep within the beauty that joins us all.
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